Helping Children Understand Big Feelings: A Guide to Emotional Regulation in the Early Years

Learning to understand and manage big emotions is a huge part of growing up – and it starts much earlier than you might think. Emotional regulation isn’t just about stopping tantrums; it’s about helping children recognise how they’re feeling, express those feelings in safe ways, and feel supported as they work through them.

At this stage in life, their brains are doing a lot of hard work behind the scenes – building the foundations for how they’ll cope with frustration, form friendships, and bounce back from setbacks in the future. That’s why giving them the tools to handle emotions now is so important.

Why Emotional Regulation Matters

In the early years, children are only just starting to make sense of emotions – what they are, how they feel, and what to do when they show up. Sometimes it can all feel a bit too much. That’s where grown-ups come in.

Children who are supported in managing emotions early on are more likely to:

• Build strong, healthy relationships
• Develop self-control
• Problem-solve more effectively
• Settle better in social and learning environments

It Starts with Co-Regulation

Children don’t just figure this out by themselves. Before they can regulate emotions on their own, they need help – a process known as co-regulation. This means adults play a key role in:

• Staying calm and present during emotional moments
• Acknowledging the child’s feelings (even if you don’t quite understand them)
• Offering comfort, structure, and consistent responses

Over time, with this steady support, children begin to learn how to manage their emotions independently

What Helps? Practical Ideas for Parents and Practitioners

There’s no one-size-fits-all approach, but here are some tried and tested ways to support children with emotional regulation:

Talk About Feelings

Use simple phrases to name the emotion: “You look upset,” or “Are you feeling cross?” This helps children build the language they need to explain how they feel.

Create a Calm Space

A quiet, cosy corner with soft toys or sensory materials can give children somewhere safe to go when they’re feeling overwhelmed. It’s not about time out – it’s about time to breathe.

Use Books and Stories

Reading together is a great way to talk about feelings. Try books like The Colour Monster or When Sophie Gets Angry – they’re full of emotional moments children can relate to.

Try Breathing and Sensory Play

Activities like blowing bubbles, playing with water, or squeezing playdough can help bring big feelings down to a manageable level.

Keep Things Predictable

Young children thrive on routine. Knowing what to expect helps them feel secure and in control, which can reduce emotional outbursts.

Be a Role Model

Children learn by watching. Try to show them how to manage your own feelings, even when things don’t go to plan: “I’m feeling a bit stressed, so I’m going to take a moment.”

A Few Common Challenges

Tantrums

They’re completely normal. The best approach is to stay calm, stay nearby, and wait it out. Once your child is calm again, you can offer comfort and talk it through.

Aggression

Big feelings like anger can be scary for young children. Let them know it’s OK to feel angry – but also show them safe ways to let it out, like stomping or drawing.

Sensitive Children

Avoid labels like “too sensitive.” Instead, help them understand their feelings and offer lots of reassurance. These children often become incredibly empathetic with the right support.

The Bigger Picture

Emotional regulation isn’t just about the here and now. It sets children up for life. With the right guidance and patience, children who learn to manage their feelings are better able to:

• Handle stress
• Make thoughtful choices
• Form stronger friendships
• Settle into school life more smoothly

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In a Nutshell…

Big feelings are a normal part of childhood. What matters now is how we help children understand and manage them. By tuning into their emotional needs and offering calm, consistent support, we give them a safe base to learn from – and that sense of emotional security is something that stays with them for years to come.